now unexpectedly
in a cold place tired and worn out form
airport air and shenanegans like
fake delays and strange men sitting next to you

nothing changes much: its the same the same its the walk in pile the food high eat eat then dissolve into the house, stay up too late, fall asleep on the unfamiliar too familiar floor.

I might change around assignments to word and lists and make this the compendium of scary craft things to make, i keep finding horrid fluffy tulle thingy directions and too repulsed, too loving it i dont know what to do withl it. a turqoiiisse quiooose quiose and coral laace edged fly swatter how amazin is that
and move words back into lixo-lux

p.s. look at this and count to ten

Nana: " Why do people have to say words to live ?,"
Brice Parain, a philosopher:" Expressing is to catch moment of thinking. But to say something you really want to say, you must experience a life without words."

europe convulsed in screams

middle of a film on the sundance channel yesterday while breaking down boxes set in sokolo somewhere in africa i trhink maybe algiers

and the film on about the woman who lived in charles de gaulle my personal nightmare
had i been stuck there
i almost walked downstairs and got back onto a plane back to sf. It didnt hel p that i spent the flight awak e and frigteningly enrapteured by dramatics peeriod-piecitiy Elizabeth. the movie

no body would take my out of date money and my card would not work in any machine and i was stuck in a limbo stuck in a im too tired to tallk your lnaguage im sorry i pace and i pace for 3 hours and this man finally says to me as i pass him for the fiftieth time
are you ok?

buys me a sandwich, un express, says i look tired and can he help

traded money
spoke french to people
told me he was an algerian pilot, getting his commercial lisense

he saved me from doing tricks in the ladies bathroom which was the only provate place i found to cry
he saved me from getting to know all the cafe waiteeers who now looked at me with pity instead of comtempt
saved me from the movie

i threw his address out on the first page of time out paris in the garbage in the courtyard of chateau des rentiers
i didnt want that book anymore now that i learned the city and forgot that his address was in it was in it. also thrown out
1 blue parka, with falling apart lining
1 guide to slang french (who speaks that-totally made up)
several containers of apricot-mango dannon organique yogurt
empty candy bags from tati

it should heal i go to the doctor and he tells me lies i cut my hand it should heal she holds her bandaged pinky out to me and i say im sorry and what i really mean is let it air out, put some neosporin on it.

women who look like they arent sure why they are there looking at each other reflecting back and forth accroos the bus aisle life so tired, doctors such theives, the rain, the bus over and over these subjects.

it might rain again, no here is the sun
sometime it should take to heal, yes?
maybe I go to the worng doctors
takes so long, this bus
i think the rain has stopped for good

journals journal journals totally brillient

never you done that

in the coffee shop: a young mom and kid come in, its treat time. small hot chocolate, which treat do you want. ok dont cry which treat is next? oh thatt looks good now you are done now throw theses things in the garbage for mommy in the garbage put your hand in there now drop the paper thank you now you want to read your book? lets sit next to the light to read lets read your dictionary yay your favorite, baseball, basket ball, golf ball, hockey puck.....

the other night before job interview and feeling like i should present myself well, orderly, the night before without thinking too much i painted my nails a shu unumra blue green shade, and painted gold initial decals "JP" on the 3rd and fourth fingertips and in the fancy work style modern ballet shoe ensemble to go to the interview i look at my hand s and have trouble deciding how much i really want to pretend this time.

today is the last night of the year of the DRAGON which was supposed to be a particulary stunning year but actualy was the most up-ending year of my life. Year of the snake...i better go clean out my closet.